My default is to see things in black and white. It’s a struggle for me to find the middle ground. My motto is to do things at 110% or not at all. If I don’t achieve perfection in what I do, I think of it as a failure. Wow! That is harsh, isn’t it? But, many of us live this way, so I wanted to talk more about it here in this blog post today.
I notice that my weight loss clients that are all or nothing, can do really well when they start off with me. They work hard, they hit their nutrition and exercise goals and get fantastic results, usually quite quickly. But, later on they encounter obstacles and they are derailed, sometimes heading back to their old habits. This is so frustrating to experience (I know this first hand of course, since I’m in the black and white camp). Here’s how it goes… client starts out with a bang, shops for healthy foods, cooks regularly, gets in consistent workouts, eats perfectly and sees changes in their body and on the scale. This stage can last for a variable amount of time, but eventually some event will occur that interrupts this “perfection” stage. Maybe they get sick and can’t workout. Maybe they have a bunch of social commitments or trips that take them out of their comfort zone of available food. They start “cheating” on their plan, and then they conclude, it doesn’t matter anyway, I’ve already ruined my plan, I’ll just eat whatever I want. This is how it goes…black & white patterning.
My weight loss clients that aren’t black and white, and live in the flexible land of the grey, may seem like they aren’t making fast progress, but in fact they are taking small steps towards their goals. Most times, those in the “grey” can bounce back from an obstacle with more ease than the “black & whites”. They weren’t expecting perfection to begin with, so when something doesn’t go right, they aren’t derailed.
Neither group is better than the other, they are simply different. It’s helpful if you know your tendency because you can then understand what you need to stay the course and how to keep working towards you goals.
The grey group needs support to stay the course even when progress seems slow. They need cheerleaders to encourage them to keep going and to remind them that what they are changing and doing is truly making a difference. And, it’s ok to take their time incorporating changes.
The black and white group needs to be mindful when obstacles hit, so that they can take stock and shift into do-able goals rather than perfection goals. They need to be encouraged to stay kind to themselves and not expect perfection. Continual plodding towards their goals, even if their weight loss stalls or slows, will eventually lead them to the middle ground where goals are more reasonable.
As I write this blog, I can’t help but wonder if it’s “better” to be a grey. Well, I do think that the middle ground is a healthy place to live, but don’t put yourself down if you are in the black and white group. After all, thats our slant of looking for perfection and being critical of ourselves! Both groups require patience and faith to keep working on yourself & your fitness goals!